The number of times that I walk into a room to get something and then walk out empty handed because I forgot my mission is too many to count. I feel like I have a double of Mommy brain; before I fully recovered from pregnancy absent-mindedness with Ksena, I was pregnant with Ky, so it’s been three-and-a-half years of not quite remembering everything that I set out to do.
I have just endured a wailing session of thirty minutes and I survived thanks to Mommy ears which must be an extension of Mommy brain, no? Yes, I just coined that phrase, but seriously, before I became a mum I would be distracted by every little noise around me, I had cat-like ears that picked up sounds around me. Now, I surprise myself, I can hum a full song despite the screams around me. I do not ignore the serious cries, but when it’s time for ‘scream-because-I-am-a-threenager’, well, I talk then ignore and discipline.
The mountain-sized mole hill today was that it was hair day, every time I brought up my plans to undo-detangle-wash-treat-and plait the hair I was met by “Sorry mummy, I’m not yet ready, I’ll let you know when I am.” At first, I said “Okay” as I thought to myself that I should be a little flexible. But the third time, I set a time and said that I’d do her hair at that time. You can guess that she wasn’t ready at 1:40pm, but I know her, and I know that evenings are not a good time to start the hair routine, so we sat down at 1:40pm and started.
As I was half way through detangling, she started pulling her head to the front, inflicting pain on herself. We had a little tete-a-tete about it, and she settled down. Then she started screaming cum shouting “Mama” over and over again. The screams were like Rock music is for a Rock lover, powerful beats, a colorful noise. As I watched it all unfold beneath my nose, I reflected on how it is to be a child, you think you know what is best for you but you don’t. In my walk with God, there are times that I have pulled away from the circumstances, little wonder why I felt the pain of the strain. I have procrastinated and deflected, made excuses as to why I shouldn’t be doing what God has planned for me to do.
As I looked at her, I saw myself and I prayed, that the Lord would forgive me for the times that I have thrown adult version tantrums and pulled away from His will then come back to tell Him how much pain He inflicts on me.
When I finished detangling and sectioning her hair, I put her to bed to nap. Immediately she was free, the ‘sleep’ disappeared and she’s been quietly playing with her little robot since.
That’s the thing about life, sometimes you think you’d be better off somewhere else doing something else until you get out there and see that being where God needs you to be for your good.