Yum Yum

We are planning an art exhibition in our household. Miss K wants to have a show where she displays all her drawings. She is so serious about it, and has been sorting her masterpieces, she has a guest list and is about to give me her brief for the catering department. It is something that she talks about everyday, so I’ll share with you some pictures of the exhibition when it happens.

Ky on the other hand thinks that coloring is extremely exciting- well, nothing trumps painting- especially when she is coloring Ksena’s pages. When this happens I countdown to the exchange that will ensue, I am a full-time referee.

Ky’s fave color seems to be green at the moment, she says ‘Geen’ with a grin. Super cute, I tell you. Watching her reminds me how sometimes I think that the grass is greener on the other side, yet in some instances it just depends on which color your are coloring your paper.

We could all be having the same meal, but she will prefer it if it comes from Daddy’s plate. Last night when she saw me serve hubs, she shouted, ‘Yum Yum’ as she charged towards him his dinner. She knows that unless his food is laded with chilli he will share it with her. In fact when I serve him, I put a little extra for Ky.

At this tender age, she knows that she has access to what her father has, when she asks she receives. As she chowed on his food, I said to him, “May you partake of what belongs to your father (in heaven) like Ky does with you. She knows that you will not withhold from her any good thing.” I didn’t add, don’t throw tantrums when you don’t get your way, because the tantrums are with us, but we are grateful for grace from above and experience with Miss K, we know that they too shall pass.

In my walk with God, I pray that I will go to him as my father and partake of that which he has prepared for me. That I will not let my experiences and biases dispel my desire for Him.

 

 

 

Drips and Crayon Fights

I smile to myself as I hear the girls fighting over crayons. A genuine happy smile, I can’t quite remember how many times I have smiled in the last couple of days.

‘My crayon!’ Ksena says as Ky runs away with the green crayon. Ky isn’t really into coloring, but she wants what Ksena has. Ksena, on the other hand, wants to color in peace but Ky would rather flip the pages of Miss K’s coloring book.

We do not encourage fighting, but it is so good to have them back to their normal selves. It’s been a tough start to 2018 with all of us unwell. We’ve seen enough of needles, drips, medication, and hospital walls for 2018. I’ve worried and prayed and experienced peace.

God made a way, that’s the only reason that I am even able to share here. Those days felt very dark and scary. I realized how much I don’t have control of, and there are a lot of things on that list. Even in the darkest moments, I draw my strength from my faith in Christ.

For those who are in the midst of a trial, I pray that God will be close to you, may you see His hand sustaining you, holding you and loving you.

Happy Feet

The Sun has inched a little closer to the Coastal city. We are back to the hot season where you look at your children’s water bottles and cups every hour to make sure that they are hydrated.

Thankfully, the girls like water. Drinking and playing with water, anything to do with water, really. In another life, they would probably live underwater and play with all the multicolored fish. Their love for water inspired my first Children’s book that comes out in a few weeks, I am beside myself with excitement.

I marvel at people who are able to drink one glass of water a day. If I did that, my skin and hair would announce it to the world. I drink at least 8 glasses of water a day and still battle acne.

A few days ago, when we went out to get a few things, we saw a Penguin water bottle that had Ksena on her feet with glee. We’ve been looking for some portable bottles for the girls to help them drink more, and these ones looked perfect. When we got home, we cleaned them up and filled them and the girls drunk a lot, Ksena even asked for more. Nothing had changed, the water was the same water that we drink every day but they drunk it so well.

I was studying John 4 on a really hot afternoon that had me back and forth from the dispenser. As I filled my glass and watched the bubbles go up, I thought about how water hits the spot. I have tried soda and juice on a really hot day but good old water remains the thirst-quenching-champ.

Sometimes, when the trials and monotony of life hit we are tempted to look for something sweet to quench our thirst, but the truth is that they can’t do what the Living water can do. They can’t nourish our inner parts so our thirst remains.

Like the girls, sometimes all we need is a change of bottle or a straw to jazz things up. And lots of water, the living water.

My new ‘Penguin bottle’ is The Everyday Life Bible featuring notes and commentary by Joyce Meyer. I am really enjoying my quiet time and dancing with Happy Feet.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tangled

What is the deep conditioning treatment for the soul? What do you apply when your soul is like a big balled fairy knot? Which product has amazing slip but is strong enough to prevent you from sliding in to the pit?

I’ve been a naturalista for almost ten years. It’s been an interesting journey. I’ve tried everything from dreadlocks to an afro to a tapered cut. ‘It is just hair, it grows’ is the mantra that I live by. When I moved to Mombasa, I cut my hair. It was so freeing. I could swim everyday without worrying about how my hair would look. ‘Wash and go’ was the order of the day. Coco Chanel said a woman who cuts her hair is about to change her life. In my case, I found it too stressful to find a good hairstylist who understood why I didn’t want my hair blow dried before it was plaited. I opted to find a barber, hubby’s barber was an answer to prayer.

As a young girl, I loathed my hair being done. I was the classic example of the child who caused drama at the salon. My poor mama. She had to put up with my tears and tantrums. In my defense, there was nothing fun about the hot blow dryer being about one centimeter away from burning my ear. While rejoicing that my ear was still intact I had to put up with a hairstyle being done twice. ‘Pussy cat’ was the the most redundant hairstyle in my opinion. I hated having to be plaited the same thing twice. Undoing it was even more tedious.

Then God gave me daughters, two little girls. He truly has a sense of humour. I’m figuring out how to handle mine and now I have two more under my care. One who has the softest hair, so protective styles barely last a week. She loves to swim, so the chlorine has tinted her ends. And another little girl, whose hair is still on the way. It still fascinates me how two babies can be so different. God is amazing.  From His reserves of grace, He knows that I will somehow be able to do their heads of hair. I pray that none of them will be like me. (Mum, if you are reading this, again I say, I am sorry.)

Wash day humbles me. I’ve been protective styling for the last couple of months. It’s my new thing. Every time I take down my braids and detangle my hair, I am amazed by how the knots fall off. What blows my mind away is that God still knows how many strands of hair are on my head. He keeps up with the progress as I finger detangle my mane and sometimes I lose tens of strands.

Tender loving care is what my hair needs, I can’t rush the process. I learned the hard way that I shouldn’t comb my hair when dry. Somewhere in the discipline and routine lies the secret. If I neglect the process I end up with a matted mane. Fairy knots fused together, that cause lots of pain.

My soul care practices are not very different from hair practices. Sometimes I’m great at detangling my emotions, others, I walk around with my emotions in knots. Not knowing where to begin. Which product to use. Wanting to take short cuts, to avoid the hours spent pre-pooing, deep conditioning and moisturizing ( journal-ling, reading my bible, praying, reflecting and loving on myself) . “There are no short cuts.” I’m preaching to myself as a member of the microwave generation.

When I neglect my emotional well-being, I wake up shocked when everything is matted together. When the emotions that I’ve bottled up are tearing me apart, eating me on the inside. Corrosive and explosive. I’m a ticking time bomb feeling as though I could implode , yet I don’t know what the trigger is.

When I marinate in my thoughts and the darkness and confusion of my emotions, that is exactly what I spew. It’s ugly. There is nothing pretty about being tangled. Unraveling the knots is first for me, and then for those around me. Unless I allow light to penetrate the dark room, darkness will be all that I know.

Last week, at my lowest, I went out and had time by myself. I prayed “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.” (Psalm 139:23-24). Then and I sat and wrote. In those hours, I got a peek into my soul, and it hit me, that unless the lamp shines in to that darkness, I’ll never fully know the contents of the room.

Detangling of the soul is done in the stillness, away from the chaos of life. In the quiet, when His light shines you are able to see what lurks in the dark, and easily entangles you.

 

 

 

How Not To Be A Cranky Mama

Over the last couple of months, I’ve learnt to be a little selfish. To take care of myself a little more. When I was a new mum, I sacrificed a lot of things including my well being. I neglected nourishing myself because I thought that pouring out was more important. Boy, was I mistaken.

Motherhood is sacrifice. A mother is a living sacrifice. Motherhood has a way of revealing your doubts, truths and values. It forces you to walk down memory lane and examine what happened and how it made you feel. It’s like a dose of strong coffee that has your mind multitasking and analyzing. You suddenly become aware of things that could have missed your attention and you have to answer the difficult questions.

Over the years, I’ve cracked how to be a cranky and angry mama by 11am. It’s really simple, skip breakfast, postpone doing your quiet time and fail to get some rest. Try this for a couple of days and you will acquaint yourself with your mean side. And, there are not many nice things about your mean side. At least nothing you’d like to write home about.

My mean side is horrible. I’ve realized that pouring out of an empty cup is dangerous for everyone. First, for me the giver and second for the recipients around me. I replay some of the things that I’ve said when empty, the attitudes that I’ve had towards myself and the situations at hand, and I can’t help but shudder in disbelief. Hang my head in embarrassment. It was bad. I was bad, really bad. I was a mum turned monster. Which was never my end goal. The thing is I couldn’t tell when it is happening, it was like a slow fade that transformed me into a bad version of myself.

It matters to my family that I am nourished- physically and spiritually. I can only pour out of what I have. The verse ‘Man cannot live on bread alone but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of the Lord. – Matthew 4:4’ reveals that I cannot survive on bread alone. To live well, we need to feed ourselves both physically and spiritually.

It is crucial that I have my breakfast (before lunch time) and spend time with God everyday. Sometimes I deceive myself that I am too busy or convince myself that the babies need me to hover around them. But the truth is that Miss K and Ky need me to be full.

They need me to be rested. I am a kinder and more patient mummy when I have had some rest. When I am sleep deprived, my fuse is short. It’s tempting to take out my frustrations on the people closest to me. I have learned that taking a nap makes me a better person.

Quiet time helps me to see my circumstances from God’s perspective. When I pray I invite the power of God in to every situation. Then I am able to walk with a spring in my step because I know that God’s got me. I am able to speak words of life,  to speak kindly, because I don’t carry any grudges and bitterness. I am able to be physically, spiritually and mentally present.

That’s the type of mama I want to be daily.

On that note, I’m off to hide and have my breakfast and quiet time because it is crucial for my sanity, blood sugar, faith, demeanor and the atmosphere in my home.

Blessings,

Bibi2be

 

 

 

Safe In His Arms

It’s not by chance that mama bear’s porridge was too cold when Goldilocks tasted it. One thing that I’ve had to learn since I became a mum is the art of eating cool (read: cold) food. It really is an art. For a long time, I preferred my food hot, now I focus on the end goal which is to be full. Hot or cold, I’ma eat it.

The truth is, I wouldn’t trade my lukewarm, mostly cold food for anything. The territory has come with many more blessings and I’m just in awe of the Lord’s sustenance. He has been faithful. I look back at the last couple of months and I can’t help but say ‘ Praise the Lord!’.

psalm 68-19

This verse is a perfect summary of the song in my heart. Sometimes I look back and wonder how I am still standing but the truth is that I have been carried. Like a child in her mother’s arms, I have been embraced, encouraged, cherished, cuddled, protected and nourished. Praise the Lord!

I’d like to share something my husband shared, that has been replaying in my heart.

K SQUAD CHRONICLES (HIS FAITHFULNESS) This week was my thirty something birthday, 5th marriage anniversary, and a few months short of our 5th year in Mombasa. Its a busy season of life (wife, kids, ministry, work and new projects etc) so I didn’t get to reflect about it until Friday evening. As I reflected on the journey, through the ups and downs,the stretching seasons (they seem many:-) ). I realized one thing is constant: GOD’S FAITHFULNESS. In our home we have a saying “keep the main thing, the MAIN THING!” Basically don’t lose focus on your main goal/goals or be distracted by the nuisances of life. My prayer is that I will heed the call and “Keep the main thing, the main thing! “For I know, LORD, that our lives are not our own. We are not able to plan our own course.”(Jeremiah 10:23)

P.S Whatever you have been procrastinating about, waiting on the right conditions to start or do, heed the call, jump in, for we are but a breath, here today gone tomorrow. (Psalm 144:4)


Man is like a breath; his days are like a passing shadow.

The truth is that I have so many dreams that I have been putting on hold, but tomorrow is not assured.

My prayer is that the Lord will teach me how to number my days. That I will walk in (prompt) obedience and let the Lord glorify Himself in my life.

If you would like me to stand with you in prayer, please send me an email via bibi2bee@gmail.com.

Blessings,

Bibi2be

Lessons From My Daughters (Pt 8) Love, Life & Sisterhood

We celebrated five years of marriage a few days ago. Where did time fly to? It’s a both short and long time. I will do a marriage post soon, I have to keep up with the tradition:). I can’t wait to read the compilation when we celebrate ten years of marriage by God’s grace.

marriage-be-like-Christ

As I write this, I’m wearing heels for the first time since I gave birth, Ksena says that they are my dancing shoes, so she helped me put them on. She saw some pictures of us during our wedding and she thinks that I am a princess. It’s so sweet. I’ve not refuted her claims, after all I am a Daughter of the most High King. What a beautiful reminder, that I need to put my dancing shoes on and dance to the music of life.

The K girls have blossomed, and I know that this is just the beginning but it is such a joy to watch them grow. In the coming months, Ky will be mobile and it should be interesting watching her follow Miss K, or not. I love that they are fond of each other. When Ksena wakes up, after her prayer she asks where her sister is. When Ky sees her she gives her a big toothless smile and chuckle. Ky has figured out that some days Miss K leaves her at home. Last week, she wailed when she saw me going to pick her up and we ended up going together.

sisterhood

There is a sweet sisterhood bond being formed here and I am super excited to see it grow and stick. As usual, these girls are teaching me a lot about life, faith and peace. This past week, I was a student in Miss Ky’s little class.

Where are they?

Ky loves to go outside. If you take her to the door she will prompt you to open the grill door, and take her out. Yesterday, we all went out and she was ecstatic as we walked out. She loved every second of being outside, the breeze and the branches swaying made her smile. She enjoyed watching Ksena and daddy run around. When it was was time for her and I to go back to the house, she kept craning her neck to see where Ksena and daddy were. Even as we closed the door she kept looking back and mumbling.

Leave no man behind.

An almost 7 month-old baby, demonstrated what it means to deeply care for and love someone. You need to check on them and see where they are.

I had a conversation with Peter two days ago about the importance of praying for people who are yet to receive salvation. And I wrote a list of people that I have committed not to ‘leave behind’.

Do not pass me by!

Ky is super alert, she knows who comes in, when they come in and when they leave. Every time that hubby passes by Ky, she immediately puts her hands up and starts mumbling to get his attention. If he doesn’t carry her or acknowledge her she gets upset and starts crying. She has learned how to cry with her eyes closed for emphasis 🙂 . I’m not sure where she picked that from.

When I’m home, I have to hide to write, because once she gets her eyes on me, she wants me to carry her immediately. Waving hi is not enough. Nah, she wants the full shebang. Now that I’m there, she is suddenly thirsty for milk.

It reminds me a lot of my walk with God. In fact the song that comes to mind is, ”While on others thou art calling, do not pass me by.” In many ways, I am just like Ky, it could have even become a daily prayer, that ‘Yes, Lord I can see you, and I would like you to call me by name and lift me up’. Ky reminds me that it is okay to call out. Just because I spent one hour with Him earlier doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t still desire Him. I pray that I will always look to Him to satisfy me.

I’m currently enjoying playlists by Worship Mob.

‘I want to know your heart!’

Have a blessed week,

Bibi2be